To love someone that cannot love you back
To be loved like no other when you are ready to collapse
Pouring into another the utmost devotion and grace
Waiting so patiently for their effervescent waters to flow so you can taste
Life restored to the veins of memories past
Broken hearts mended from the love you gave but were not asked
An aura of love surrounds me and gives me comfort within its perfection
What a fine day that we met just out of chance of which I will question
No need for complements or airs of pretension
You give the highest level of love from a friendly reaction
To say I do not love you would be treason
My utmost, who fearlessly loves me without reason
Vinod entered the room with sweat breaking inhibition. He was very aware of what he might do. This feeling had never left him, he felt a certain tug, no, a known pull. He couldn’t bring himself to knock the door. Finally, he did, and when he did, she opened the door for him and it all went back to normal. She was not dressed proactively or in any way exposing parts she shouldn’t. Very simply dressed in Pjamas and a sweat shirt, it seemed she covered up all the more for the occassion. The room looked normal, and no eerie feeling caught him. He sat down, she had old Monk on the table. Of course, by now, he was used to her knowing things about him.
One peg loosened him up enough to strike up the courage to ask Smitha questions other than the whole bizarre affair of time travel.
‘So, tell me something, why would someone like you, love, someone like me?’,He asked.
‘I don’t have any reason why I love you. I mean there are a million reasons why I like you, but I can’t tell you one reason why I love you. err. The future you.’
‘hmmm’, he accepted the response, even if he didn’t quite understand it. He got up to get another peg. She pulled a Classic Milds.
‘I didn’t know you smoked’,he was curious.
‘I smoke yeah, but in future, wanted to keep the habit at bay for as long as I could.’,Smitha was slightly reddened with embarrassment.
‘I couldn’t have told you everything! It’s impossible that I tell anyone everything. I don’t tell anyone everything!’,Vinod could hear himself talk and chuckled at the thought.
‘Okay, go on ask me whatever you think is your deepest darkest secret.’,Smitha accepted the challenge.
‘Fine…’Vinod said, amused,’ have I ever told you of having done something extra ordinary in college, like…’
‘Dating two girls at the same time as part of a dare’, Smitha interrupted.
Vinod was shocked, no one and absolutely no one knew about it except his college friends.
‘My first book, that I ever read. The one that pulled me in the world of books!’,Vinod bombarded another one.
‘The Lord of Flies by William Golding’, Smitha was enjoying this game. Vinod was stunned, only his 4th grade English teacher knew about that.
‘If I had to pick between Seth’s An Equal Music and A suitable boy, which would I pick?’
‘you prefer An Equal Music, but I could never read it, and you took offense at that. I love A suitable boy. I think they are both equally good. An Equal Music is a little more technical wrt love and music. But they are both pretty great.’ Smitha was lost in the memory of Seth’s books.
When Smitha returned to reality from her thoughts, she looked at Vinod who was just looking at her.
‘I can’t believe you, honestly! What is it that is so terrible that you have to travel back in time to fix.’,Vinod had a very gentle concern in his eyes.
Smitha closed her eyes, she saw it everyday in her head, like there was only one channel stuck in her head and only one show kept repeating itself. The night when Smitha dropped Vinod home later in the future, and Supriya was standing there holding their son at gun point. The quarrels, apologies, shots! She killed the ten year old boy in cold blood, shot Vinod in the head twice and finally killed herself. The memory was so intense for Smitha, she couldn’t help control her tears and Vinod had to shake her back to the present time and hold her, for she was shivering.
She broke down in Vinod’s arms. The tears that were never shed before, when she saw them take his body, the tears that were never shed during the sleepless nights for the next few years. the tears that were never shed once, because who was she to cry. For the world, Smitha never existed for Vinod. It was just him, she just existed for him, to him.
Vinod overpowered by the sense of something very powerful, kissed Smitha on the forehead. He thought it would help her, but it helped him instead. He kissed her again to feel something. Like he had been waiting for her, his entire existence and it finally came through. He crushed her in his arms and recreated her. It was a long night and they both, in a state of trance, just kept completing each other’s rhythm.
The sun broke into the room and woke Vinod up. Smitha was all dressed and ready to leave. She sat down beside him, softly grazed her hand on his cheeks and spoke with such gentleness, ‘Remember what I told you, it is imperative that you do what I told you. you will know who I am, when you realize it, just go away.’
She said it, and left the room. What she didn’t notice was the look on his face, for if she had seen Vinod’s face. She would know, that it was already too late. He was already madly in love with her.