I had a friend

I had a friend, Ronnie was his name…
I can’t remember if he was tall and serious or short and funny,
I remember though, that he had a deep voice…he would talk about everything that caught his attention from a flower to tarantino flicks…
No fancy schools he went too, but had the knowledge bank of an oxford graduate…
Sometimes he intrigued you, sometimes he bored you! But he would always hold your train of thought.
He talked like nobody would understand but was an open book really,
Not like a page turner or anything but like a slow, enjoy the sarcasm kinda book…
The kinda book you didn’t sit along well with in the first few chapters, but if you read it whole, it changed your life kinda book…
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t in love with him…but, it was pleasure to read him while I still could.
He always left you with a story, he loved telling stories and I loved finding them…
He never believed what you said…but took longer to finish his cigarette if something interested him…
To be honest, he never believed anything, but still had faith…
He socialized like a butterfly, but never tried to… He said hank would disapprove…
And I believed him…
I had a friend, Ronnie was his name… but I don’t remember if he was tall and serious or short and funny…

The Glue dried?

I saw this movie yesterday, in which they sold a wonder drug to people, so  you’d get all smart and highly functioning because of it. You could learn languages in a matter of minutes, be the stock market wolf in a matter of days and walk endlessly for hours, just thinking, talking, doing something, not sitting idle. It claimed that this drug helped you achieve a 100% utilization of your brain.

A 100% utilization of your brain…that means you know everything about everything, everything including yourself. They say acid trips are similar, I wouldn’t know because I have never tried it myself, but they say it is quite the same. No 100 % utilization of the brain, just a 100% know how of your inner self. It’s like touching your soul and coming back. The Question here is do you really want to know? Do you really want to know everything about yourself?  Everything you are capable of? I am not; I don’t think I am ready. On the contrary, I am scared to know who the real me is. Human beings are fundamentally selfish. This could do with the fact that we evolved with fighting our way in this world. We had to fight for land from wild animals, take the food they ate and secure a family. We became selfish in the process. I am not saying everyone is selfish or evil. All I am trying to say is we are selfish when it comes to our needs, our defense and our life.  Do you really want to know how selfish you can be? What you are really capable of?

If you ever notice glue, it sticks everywhere, on paper, on plastic, on your fingers, but it never sticks to the bottle. Why is that? It’s because the water content, which keeps it fluid, keeps the glue from sticking to the bottle. Once out, the water evaporates and the glue dries… Do we really want that water to evaporate and look at what the glue can really do?

There is a fine classification between conscious and sub conscious. This line is there for a reason, and should remain so. What happens once we cross this line, what happens once go to the other side of the wall? Are we ready to deal with the white walkers of our mind? It’s too scary. People always say, I want to find myself; I want to know who I really am. Do you? Do you really? What if you are not the flowery colorful picture you painted? What if that’s only your training? What if you really are a monster inside?

Then again, you must become a different person if you go take a real look at yourself, on a sub atomic, sub conscious level.  You find out what you are made of. Your deepest desires, likes and dislikes are all there. Things which matter to you don’t even exist on that floor. It sounds all eerie but fun at the same time. What do you think should the glue dry?

Why God, WHY?

PART I

“13,23,34,53,200,500 complaints. Are you kidding me? “, the boss thundered. He had been upset since morning, partly because we had been slacking off at our jobs, mostly smoking pipe. It wasn’t our fault though; it was a really good pipe. Izik had found this new guy,  who would give us like the best stuff and we just couldn’t get enough of it. I think it was imported, this grass…like from greener pastures, literally, somewhere in south East Asia.

Never mind , that was just one of the lesser important reasons why the Boss was upset. The more important reason was he had gas. He had been thundering around almost half the world the entire night before and it had remnants in the morning as well. That was primarily why he was so mad at us. There must be a hell of a hailstorm somewhere.

“How is it possible? Like literally!!!” he jerked me back to reality. I had zoned out in the middle, I hope I didn’t leave out anything important.

“Sir, we don’t have enough resources to support the entire system, it is slightly inefficie…” Odi interrupted. Bad mistake. “Zip it!” the boss glared at the new VP operations. The Russian, I think he is Russian; he doesn’t talk much, instantly shut up, like the cat had caught his tongue.

There was a lull in the conference room, like that in a graveyard. Nobody spoke, or whispered, I doubt any of us was even breathing.

The Boss exhaled. He looked like he was going to calm down now. An expression of relief washed over our face. We all looked at him intently, waiting to give out a verdict.

After what seemed like eternity, he finally decided to speak.

“I have decided. I will have to take things in my hands now. Enough of delegating and sharing responsibility. I had nothing when I came here, all this that you see, I worked for it. I built everything from ground up. Every brick in here is my hard work and creativity. I had no experience, zilch, nada, nothing. I agree, that led me to make a few mistakes in the initial design and approach, which is why I got you guys. To do what I missed. But clearly, you haven’t done a very good job here, have you?” he paused to catch his breath, it suddenly felt like there was a tornado somewhere around, or was I too dizzy. It must be the pipe. I have got to stop smoking at work. I mean, granted this is good stuff, but Burma, or whatever his name is, sells it at a very high price. Izik is a gentle soul, even though it looks like he could rip you in a thousand shreds by just clicking his fingers. He is mostly harmless. Anyway, I have to be more careful, they have been making very weird eye contact with me all morning, and that is mostly when we have to go for ground inspection or some such stuff. I hate doing that.

“Luci! Are you in, or out?” Boss was directly looking at me. The flare in his eyes could’ve burnt mine, so I quickly looked somewhere else. My shoes. Damn, I should’ve been listening. Now, what do I say, yes or No. If I say No, I will have to give him a written record of the reason as to why I am denying this assignment. Then that will reflect in my year end appraisal. Just great! Maybe, I should just say yes. How bad could it be? The last time I took a gamble, he sent me to Germany. It wasn’t so bad, the weather was sharp though, should’ve checked with the weather guy before.

“For the last time, luci. Are you going to come with me on this assignment or not?” , boy, was he angry. “Yes, Sir. I would be honored.” , I said before I decided to change my mind.

“Well then, it’s decided. Michael would go with us as well, out of all you nut heads, he has a better grasp of production. “ Darn it, why Michael??? He was employee of the month for the last, I don’t know, gazillion years and that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was he was my older brother.

“That’s it then. Meeting adjourned.” And with this, it was set in stone, our Boss; God was going to visit the earth with Michael and myself, Lucifer. We were to collect our tickets, itineraries and other such documentation from Odin, our VP operations. Man, where was Izik, I could really use some good and fresh air, should call up that other guy, Burma.

PART II

It had taken us two long days to get our base camp right. The first stop was extremely important. We had carefully sorted all the accusations, cases pending against god, simple complaints and even suggestions region wise. The maximum complaints came from the African sub-continent. But that was more of suggestions and simple complaints. They had sorted an arrangement outside our arrangement and were just looking for answers. Important as it may be, that kind of attention could render our reputation some harm. After all who likes being grilled for answers? Second, the statistics showed us that Middle-East had a peculiar situation. They were in the top 10 for the unhappiest-from-our-services zones; they did not really have many complaints/questions/pending cases. It looked like they were quite sorted and they weren’t asking god much. In fact, they were even bigger frauds than us (of course, we are in marketing sales), they simply pretended they knew what we wanted, what God wanted. So ultimately after a lot of brainstorming, some gargle blasters and little effort, we got nowhere. So, god, did I mention his stomach was upset, threw a glance at the world map and so sharp was his gas that one single burp burnt the whole map barring the Indian sub continent.

“That’s where we start.” He said before he closed the lavatory door behind himself.

It was decided then. God, Michael and I were taking the Garuda 101(we borrowed it from our Commander in Chief of security, Shiva) down to the stratosphere, where we would catch Air force one down to the earth’s surface and finish the rest of the journey on the orient express which would take us to New Delhi, India by 2 PM on 3rd June, 2015.

Now, whenever we are on business trips with the boss, it’s the best of times. We fly first class. We are constantly fed. This time, however, it was different. God had decided to do a different kind of survey as to why couldn’t we satisfy our customers better. What new products should be launched that are instant hits, or that’s what we’ll tell our shareholders. He decided not to act like god, but, just a measly looking frail human. Not only him, we both were to do the same. If you are wondering why didn’t we stop him from this stupidity? Well, he would’ve fried our ass, like literally.

So, there we were, 2 PM on the 3rd of june, year 2015 and it was freaking hot in there. No wonder people were cranky, the temperature was 44 degree Celsius. You asked someone for the Ajmeri gate side exit of the New Delhi Railway station, and they gave you such angry looks. Anyway, somehow, in spite of the scorching heat, we reached our place.

Now, the plan of action was simple, three people to go out in three different directions, like humans generally do and just observe things around, what do you think is wrong, yeah, like it is that easy. “Put you Business school knowledge in here, do whatever it takes, just get me results.” Boss’s final words before he sat down to fart again. People around thought it was the clouds but sadly there was no rain, which made them angrier for some reason.

At 4 PM, all of us, started heading to 3 different directions. I took the central road, for some reason it seemed like it would be easier for me to study things there. Mick took the eastern direction, and god took the southern bit.

After hailing an auto, whose driver I think ripped me off, I finally reached the cannaught circle, as the locals call it. Did I mention it was hot? I decided if I didn’t want to lose my mind, I should get rid of my hair. And I went straight to someone who was shaving heads and faces. I sat down and asked him to shave my head. After what seemed like a full 5 minutes, he said “there you go”. He looked pleased with himself. I looked pleased with him too. Paid him, boy was my wallet thinning down! I went looking for these people who cribbed so much. I was kind of pissed at them. Who do they think they are? We give them food, water and tress and air and ground. And they crib about it? How dare they! I realized I had never felt so angry in my life before. Was it the heat? I should check up the facts for the winter last term. I spent the entire evening observing, taking notes, making small pie charts for comparison, smoking some pipe, then running away from the cop guy. It was a good fruitful evening and I was pleased with myself.

I reached, a little after 10, Indian standard time, at the shady motel room we three had rented. I heard somebody hurling in my bathroom. I went to check, it was god.

“What Happened?” I had never seen this before, I was beyond worried. “Where is Michael?”

“Oh, you know Michael, he likes to go deeper in his research, leaves no stone untouched. He is probably going to be back in a couple of days.” God said wiping vomit off his mouth.

“What happened to you?” I asked.

“Oh nothing, It was really hot outside and I just didn’t know what to do. I felt like I would fall when I went to this place and they serve this drink there, it’s not as good as the pan galactic juice we get up stairs, but it is pretty good. You should try it. I just didn’t know when to stop. Forgot I wasn’t god anymore, I was human. “, he flashed his teeth. God seemed to be in a good mood. It started drizzling outside.

“Okay, anyway, I have my results here and I might be working towards a great solution here…” I began.

“No No No… We don’t need that no more. See I met shyam, this guy at the bar, he is an engineer. He gave me a superb solution to everything” God interrupted me.

“You discussed this with another human?”

“Not really, I just told him to talk to me like I was god, and tell me what could really be done about the situation with humans. And after about a few laughs, he spilled.” God was really excited about this.

“You told him you were god!?” I was baffled.

“He didn’t believe me! He laughed at my face.” He seemed amused. God continued,”And he told me the perfect solution. ” There was a dramatic pause. Drama was his favorite pass time. God loved theater. If he was not god, he would be a drama teacher in a stupid celestial government school.

“Go on” I said, to give him the said satisfaction.

“We just improve our PR skills. Yeah! A few miracles here and there, a few faith healers…and that’s all. CSR!”

“CSR? Are you serious? Corporate Social Responsibility? ” I was losing track. I hated Drunk god. I mean, this was not the first time. He had always been the last person to be invited to a glug-glug party in heaven! He got just too creative. He created earth in one of these moments, and we were all still suffering for it.

“Are you saying we don’t have to make this trip? This whole nonsense was for nothing! A stupid drunk earth engineer gave you the solution to your celestial problem!” I was truly agitated.

“Who would’ve thought!! And listen Luci, I have been very hard on you, how about You and I go out for lunch tomorrow? These humans have really good food! We’ll go for some kebabs, Shyam told me a very good place. It’s close by, Karol Bagh or something…” He said, “ and don’t you worry about Michael, he is a good strong kid, he will come back on his own. He is just working! I know! That Kid has the potential to be…” I couldn’t take it no more. I shut the door behind myself.

I was wondering if it was time to quit this job, this guy was clearly nuts! He just changed his entire planning and strategy on a puny human’s mind! I was losing my mind, and the cooler was not very effective. It was hardly cooling anything. Least of all my mind! Should I even attempt at explaining my solution to God, but, we all know he doesn’t listen to anybody. I eventually slept angry at the heat, the mosquitoes and mostly at God.

PART III

I got up with a heavy head. I wanted to scream for some reason. The light was too bright. Damn it! I wanted to go back to sleep, then I remembered that I had a task in front of me. I went upto God’s bed. He had his head in his hands and he was groaning.

“How are you feeling this morning?” I asked.

“Not too great, how do these guys do it? They drink and go to work and look forward to doing it again. I am telling you I am never drinking again while I am still human. What time did I go to bed last night? I don’t remember anything.” God moaned.

“So you don’t remember your PR skills plan? The ultimate answer!”

“No, that I do. I wrote it down here on my Ipad. See, these humans are not so bad after all…I have everything stored here with time and date. We should get a couple of them for Odi, he keeps forgetting stuff a lot. ” Damn, it. Where did he have the time to get one of those Ipad thingies.

“Fine” I said, “We start the miracles this morning, I will take the same spot.” I wanted to just get out of there.

“Yes, I go to south again…Maybe touch a bit of Gurgaon as well. Oh and here, keep one of these Iphones as well, to keep in touch. While our heavenly radio is out of tune, we can call each other through these little pocket clouds. And, I will leave one of them phones for Michael, in case he decides to come back earlier than we think. ” God waved me out, dismissively.

I stepped out of my room filthy and smelling of sweat. As an angel, I never had to bathe or smell good. However, humans always stank. I would never leave that bug had I created this whole system.

So, there I was back at the circle drinking a miraculously smooth and tasty milkshake, leaving bits and pieces of heavenly miracles here and there. A thief returning the wallet he stole; a guy getting squint eyes because he was eying a girl wrong, a blind guy getting his sight back, a lost kid finding his way to his parents. Small and entertaining. It was almost afternoon, when he called. I totally forgot we had lunch plans.

“Hey god, how is it going?”

“Damn awful! Where are you?”

“At the cannaught circle. Are you close by?”

“Yes, I thought you’d be there. Where else could you be if you were in central Delhi.”

“Yup, meet me at KFC, block B, inner circle.”

“Got it!” and click the line went dead.

After about 15 minutes, I saw him rushing past an orderly, screaming at him to give him side.

“Stupid, idiots, they don’t know how to walk!”

“Hello God… are we having a good time?” I joked.

“I am having the most awful time of my tenure. This place is crazy! I had to take a bus, where one of them guys stole my ipad and my money, thank fully I was playing candy crush on my phone, or that would’ve gone too! I didn’t get a seat for about an hour, and then when I did, another guy shoved me and sat on it. I forgave him, but he accidentally, or so he says, stepped on my toe! It’s been hurting ever since, my pinky toe! I went to help a blind guy, and that guy started arguing with me…asking me to mind my own business! I am minding my own business right now! He asked me to, you know, to…”

“fuck off..?” I chipped in…

“Yeah! How dare he? And it was so hot, I almost fainted twice! The auto driver was asking me all the money that was left on me. I requested, almost pleaded but he didn’t listen!”

The ranting went on for quite a while. I tried to calm him and eventually after a two hour break, we both went back to work. Wonder what Michael was doing…

I spend the rest of the day simply loitering around looking for some guy who might get me my fresh air. But I couldn’t find anything. Finally, I decided to call it a day and go back to the motel.

Nobody was back yet, not God, not Michael. So, I watched something they call porn. Boring and it doesn’t make one bit of sense. Honestly, don’t waste your time on it. But, it did remind me of Camilla…Boss’s secretary. She is so soft to look at. She gives you a fuzzy feeling in the stomach. Maybe, when I go back I will ask her out, take her for coffee…Her birthday must be around.

I must have slept dreaming of Camilla, because when I got up, it was 2 30 in the morning. Where were these guys? An uneasy feeling crept through me…I went to see god’s bed to check if he had tried calling the other phone he left for Michael. That’s when I noticed it. It must have been like that from the evening. But I noticed it now. His stuff was gone. Was he mugged? And kidnapped? Or worse!

I frantically tried his number. There was a ring, but nobody picked up. Beads of worried sweat started forming on my brow. What must have happened? I called again, no response.

Tring…Tring…tring…no response

Tring…Tring…tring…no response

Tring…Tring…tring…no response

Tring…Tring…tring…no response

Tring…Tring…tring…Hello?

“Hello? God! Where the hell are you?”

“Oh! Hi, I can’t believe it catches reception here…I am in Greece luci! I am taking a vacation.”

“A Vacation!? Are you nuts! Why didn’t you tell me? I am here stuck in this dry arid land with no faith, cleaning your mess, and you are on vacation!?”

“Now now Luci, that’s no way of talking to your boss. Well, I was so frustrated with this whole thing, I couldn’t take it no more and I took off…poof…vanished. I should’ve told you but it was very sudden. Let me make it up to you. I’ll give you a fat ass promotion and a big hike…yeah? Let me call you in an hour to get your travel arrangements right. Oh, and Michael is getting married Btw, he found a girl, some Indian demi-god. That’s why he was missing all this while. Can you believe it? But, you’ll know about it from him.”

Was it for real? Let me get up there once, I am going to quit! This is it. Mick goes and screws around and I work my ass off, and God is on vacation?… One more earthly hour, and all this is over. I am going to protest! I will take my people with me!God must be sacked!

One hour passed and then some more. No one called, no arrangements. The number was out of reach and I was frustrated. Maybe, he got something else to do. I took off from the motel without paying anything. I had no money. I was sitting at a curb.

“Hey…psst…hey, you Lucifer?” I looked around. Who here could know my name!

“Yeah, who are you?”

“Iziquel sent me. Said, you might need some fresh air”. This stranger who looked like a hippie, who had really long beard and was well ahead in his age, looked more than family to me at that time! I hugged him and cried! Yes, I cried…with tears and all…not proud of it.

He gave me an understanding look, and said, “You waiting for god to call you back?” I nodded.

“Hmm, okay, if you have to wait. I know this place, near the sea. A lot of booze and stuff, nice Russian girls, it is about a day from Delhi. My friend will get you a job in one of his shacks on them beaches! Don’t worry, I will set you up.”

I swear to god, for once, it felt like this guy had like four heads in all directions. But that’s crazy, right! Even for gods.

Laughter Bug ?!

So as promised, I am here to write about Indian Stand up comics. Well, as I mentioned in the last entry, it has taken a long time for Indians to look at it as a real thing. It’s one thing to crack jokes at an office party and keep people from snorting drinks out of their noses, and totally another to have a paid gig… When you go up on the stage with a lot of people, who, by the way, paid a lot of money just to see you make them laugh, it is a different ball game altogether.

Please pardon me, but I am not going to talk about Raju Shrivastav or others on Comedy nights/circus because honestly, that has taken the standards way below the bed of pacific. It is literally a circus on the stage, these guys crack the same old jokes and the same old intonations…it is very boring in my view. On the other hand, there is some serious laughing around going on in the country. I have some of my personal favorites and I really think they should be getting a lot more attention than what they are, right now.

Let’s begin with the AIB crew, Tanmay Bhatt, seems like the guy behind the whole thing (I may be grossly mistaken). However, I like his take on things, you know, especially when he talks about Mumbai, you can relate to it. I mean that’s how comedy works right, we are all thinking it but nobody wants to say it. I am not going to discuss the AIB work, because this piece is strictly for Stand up. Moving on, I have taken a particular liking for Abish and Kenny(Kenneth Sebastian). I like them both because they have this boyish charm, and, also because they talk a lot about malayali culture and people (good-to-know-knowledge).

I love the bit where Kenny does the I-am-so-jealous-of-your-Hindu-Gods bit. Its something we have been poking fun at for a long time but it’s still funny. 😛 Abish, on the other hand, likes to talk more, like a conversation. I prefer that, because that gets more real. Plus, you get to see two people at the stage…I really wish he did more of roast kind of stuff.

Moving on, we have kanan gill and Biswa.

I started watching these two because of pretentious movie reviews, it’s kind of cool that they still think it’s worth putting it up there. Kind of like, what I am doing right now…absolutely useless (no body will call this literature) Any way, These guys all have one common trait, they are all very natural. And, to be honest, there is a lot of stuff that can be picked for stand up. I mean, India, literally is a very colorful country. So many people, so many things…it’s really hard to run out of topics.

I am really glad that we finally have a class of people who do real stand up comedy and I sincerely wish these guys make this lifestyle more popular to Indians. I can finally stop watching Russel peters’ reruns and take pride in it. Keep laughing 🙂

Hey mom! Can I be a spaceman!

Hey guys,

Well I believe new year wishes are in order. So, happy new year!! I hope you guys partied really hard and well, had safe sex 😛

Coming to the first post of the year. I thought let’s talk about New year Resolutions. (Just Kidding! We know like Santa Claus) So, moving on, I thought we could talk about these new career prospects in town. yeah, well they are not new so much in the rest of the world but coming to the Indian society, yeah.

I have seen this new trend catching up in the Indian market, refreshing change, might I add. these new jobs are getting  more popular than ever. So I thought, let’s talk about it and who knows, you, yes you, whoever is reading this, gets inspired from it (*fingers crossed*)

So, let’s begin with the most glamorous and seemingly the easiest. BLOGGING. there I said it. there are blogs every where, and on everything(like what new jobs are in town :P). There are travel Blogs, food blogs, random people dissing sitcoms and movies and my personal favorite, scary stories (I recently found something called creepypasta). Anyway, apart from being particularly entertaining,now you can make money out of it. Obviously, like any other show biz idea, it is also very difficult to get really popular…Naah! I am just fooling around, it is actually quite easy unless you talk about some stuff people don’t want to read about (I am going to go in the corner and kill myself now)

Well, I honestly don’t have any clue on how easy it is to make money out of blogging but I hear a lot of people are doing it so, it must be easier than Rocket Science.

That done, let’s move on to the evil step sister of BLOGGING. Youtube-ing, if that’s a word. That my friends, is the new most hip thing in. It’s exactly like Blogging, except that you need a camera and someone to edit and put effects in your video and stuff, and also people get to see your stupid face. It’s definitely way more entertaining, if you know what I mean. But beware, since it takes absolutely zero effort, there are a lot of wannabes out there, just waiting to suck on your time. However, the leeches kept aside, it is not really a bad choice. One it caters to a wider net of audience, and, two, it is very responsive, so, you get like instant feedback. A lot of people who want to get into the entertainment industry are trying this out as their starting platform. People who have really wonderful ideas and don’t get a lot of attention, have taken to uploading videos on youtube, others just do random stuff and get views and likes and dislikes. Its a jungle out there 🙂

Moving on to a very closely related job (PS: I am not sure it gives you a lot, rather, any money) Youtube Haters. This particular genre of people like to go easy on life, and just sit on their behinds to dislike whatever anyone puts up there. If there is a video dissing women, they will put very strong hate comments beneath it, if they show women empowerment, this same set of people will hate it again, for being repetitive. If they  show boys in the dark light, its generalization?!!! Anyway, they hate every thing. Sometimes, I wonder if somebody pays them, you know just to keep the ball rolling.

Lastly, a bug that took a long time to reach India, Stand up Comedy. Now, I love this one so much I have decided to do a separate piece on it altogether. But just to things interesting, I will tell you, this couldn’t have been reality about 10 years ago. If I told my dad, I want to go up on a stage and make people laugh, he would’ve put me up for adoption. But now, people are more accommodating. They actually pay to go watch these nut jobs in action. I think, it is a very nice choice for people who have the wit, because it is very difficult to have Live audience in front of you, NOT laughing at your jokes.

Wow, that’s too long a read, so am gonna wind up now. I think, its great that we are coming to age with the rest of the world, after all, it’s just one life right.

Dear 15 year old me

I know this topic has been trending around, and you have seen videos and read passages about it. I tried to do my bit for the society and come up with a new angle. Turns out that is a lost cause and there is no new angle to it. However, While researching for it, I found something else.

Almost every one I interviewed told me a thing or two but something that I heard universally was, “you know what, it doesn’t matter whatever I say, because, I know the 15 year old me wouldn’t listen. Even to me.” I thought about it, and, its true. I wouldn’t have listened to me, when I was 15 years old. I started thinking. Why does it happen? Everyone says that’s teenage. but what is age but a number. We are so confused all the time, and yet, whoever comes up with a solution we defy them. People who we look up to and adore right up to that point seem like our only enemy. And this arrogance, this arrogance of youth flows over borders. There is no correct way, there is no correct environment. If you have got a teenager in your house, build a sturdy roof, and like my mom would say, a sturdy door 🙂

We are at our scariest best in our teens, girls are way more bitter than boys I believe. I guess that’s another discussion altogether. I think that’s the reason this whole girl child issue happened

*Following content is only the result of my imagination. M not trying to hurt anybody’s feelings. It is just a joke, please take it that way*

It was not because parents thought girls would be a burden, it’s because they see a girl in her teenage and OMG, darling, I am sorry but my heart might not survive a girl teenager, let’s tone it down a notch and have a boy huh? huh? 😛

*Joke’s over :P*

All things said and done. After I spoke to about a dozen people who told me their 15 year old would never listen to them, I felt like I owe a massive apology to my parents and the people who I gave a hard time. Thankfully, whatever hormonal imbalance happens in the teenage, is only temporary. you grow up… mostly. If there are any 15 year olds out there reading this, I would say don’t bother…your rage is temporary, make sure the damage you do is temporary too 🙂

PS: If I were to go back and tell my 15 year old self something, I’d say, Dear 15 year old me, wait…wait, it’ll be worth it

Mercy

He sat there looking at her. She looked so pretty in the bridal attire. The Henna laced palms, her full lips in scarlet red, the bindi on her forehead shining like a star, her silky long beautiful neck adorned with diamonds. But, most of all, his attention was hogged by her eyes. He had never seen such intense eyes, like fire. There was more to the eyes, her lips sealed in a quiet smile…but her eyes were talking.

He moved the gaze to where her eyes were fixed and saw another guy, not very comfortable, he had a look of constant concern on his face and anyone could tell by the look on his face, that he was the girl’s dad. Now, to understand this statement, you will have to understand Indian weddings. See, its not enough to give your beloved daughter to a complete stranger (who could be a maniac, for all you know) for just as long as life, you also have to make them more than comfortable all the time and well, we have stopped taking dowry here, but who can say no to a few expensive gifts!? Oh, and if something goes wrong, it will be a question you might just have to answer not just to your daughter’s in laws, but also, to your own brotherhood. Strange but that’s family, eh? Nothing beats blood.

He knew she was worried about her dad, he was a heart patient and he hadn’t slept in a long time. Earlier this morning, he was found unconscious on the floor of the bathroom. Nothing serious, everybody blamed the pressure and lack of sleep. She was worried.

He saw the anger in her eyes when they asked her to pose for a picture and she could see her father literally going on his knees for some relative on the groom side.

He felt a pang of pain in his chest. He had lived for 32 years and loved her for 15 years of that wretched life. He had lived next doors to her for 15 years, and 15 years, he had ached for her. But this pain was different, it was more than a longing, it was as if she had decided to die and he was looking at her putting gasoline on herself.

His concentration was broken when his wife called out for dinner. He wasn’t hungry. She asked him again, before giving up on her ever-so-silent husband and joining the line of the snacks-hogging Janta.

He felt relieved to have gotten his bubble back. This time when he looked at her, he saw her looking directly at him. Their gazes were locked for a second and then broken off by the guests who had come on stage to congratulate them. But somehow, they were connected. He knew she was looking at him, if not with her eyes.

“I love you”

“I know, you never said it”

“I couldn’t, m sorry. But why are you doing this”

“Isin’t this exactly what was expected of me”

“But you were more than this” “you are more than this”

“It’s okay, maybe that is how it had to be. Vishal might just be a very nice partner.”

“He might just be the best. Do you want it? Do you want to have somebody else’s identity imposed on you before you even start making your own?”

“It might just be for the best”

“It might just be”

Suddenly, there was a loud thud, and the connection broke. The blaring music came back in his ears and he got up to see what had happened.

Her father had hit the ground again, he was unconscious. I looked at her. Her face was ashen with panic, Her to be husband, Vishal, sat there unperturbed telling her, its probably pressure and lack of sleep. He hated his gut at that time. She looked at him, and he looked back. Then he saw something, he had seen a long time ago. A time,which skipped his memory at that time. A time, he couldn’t recall, yet, remembered vividly. He saw, in her eyes, the girl he had fallen in love with.

She stood up and walked down the stage. clicking tongues and sighs. She didn’t look back. She went up to her father and sat beside him on the ground. Clicking tongues and sighs. She didn’t look back. She said something to him in his ears.Clicking tongues and sighs. She didn’t look back. She stood up from there, and started walking not towards the stage, away from it. Clicking tongues and sighs. She looked back and looked at him. For only a second, but it was enough for him. She turned around and left the ground and nobody had any clue what was happening.

He saw her again, 3 years later, in her own boutique entertaining a customer. Her father was sitting at the counter calling her out for lunch. She looked at him through the window. He waved. She smiled, through her eyes. He knew at that moment, that the point of his entire life was this moment. He had had to come to this moment, to see her smile like that. He turned around and never looked back.

A Final Goodbye

She asked him if he needed something for the journey. He shook his head in a no. It was hard to believe that it was already time to leave. How had the 48 hours passed by. It was a difficult moment, a very intense one indeed. 

Only two days ago, his life was a blissful garland of beautiful looking orchids and now, it was all dust. It started with his phone beeping at 2 in the morning. it was a text from her, saying it was over. He couldn’t understand what was happening. He called her, no response. Left a ton of messages, no response. What had gone through in a day. She was doing fine, as far as he knew. But He knew very less, He hadn’t called her in days, mostly because of work, or maybe more. He knew this day would eventually come, but, was not quite so prepared for the gutting it got along with it. He decided to drive to her place. 3 hours from where he lived. 160 Kilometers. He drove all night. 

He was not puzzled, not much anyway. He knew why was she doing this. He knew he hadn’t been fair. What is fair though, at the end of the day. He knew he couldn’t stop her now, because he hadn’t done anything to build his case. In a way, he was happy, she took that decision. He was happy she had decided what she had. He was happy she wouldn’t be miserable anymore. She wouldn’t yearn for him day after day and then sleep disappointed. If you look at it now, it was not so much of a garland. It was a wreath he was wearing. What did he do other than work, or watch football, and tweet about it. He was doing fine for himself though, fairly handsome. But That’s all he was doing…doing fine, and not living fine. And, now, the one woman who had so graciously accepted him in her world, welcomed him to stay and love, was driven away. And who was to blame… But, if knew everything, why was he driving 160 kilometers in the oddest hour of the night. 

He reached there at 6 in the morning, rung the doorbell after a considerable consideration. He had to ring it thrice, before he heard movement inside. The moment he heard her footsteps, all the desperation had gone and it was replaced now by an unspoken fear, an undefined doubt. He wanted to run and hide. Too late, she opened the door. 

There she was, all glorious even in the middle of the night, just out of bed. Wearing a T-Shirt and a Pyjama. Her confused intelligent eyes, the flawless shining skin. The curves hid by the loose T shirt, yet failing miserably. It was still there. Her charm, her beauty, That kindness in her voice, the gentle air she breathed.  It was all there.

She asked him to come in. She was bewildered at his presence, a thousand questions in a minute were bombarded on him. He didn’t even make an attempt to answer any. She was quiet now, he gently frisked her in his arms and kissed her. She let him. 

Moments later they made love…they were wild and passionate and anybody who would have even a peek at them, would say for sure, just how much the two of them were in love with each other. He claimed her, didn’t allow any thought to creep in her head. Moment after moment, he devoured her, like a dying man holding on to the last bits of oxygen. She was surprised at the intensity, much as she tried, she couldn’t help feeling all those feelings again. But she pleaded with herself to not go soft this time. Alas, who was listening. 

Two days, he stayed over at her place, they made love, she cooked, they made love again, they showered together, made love again. Eventually, the moment came when he had to go back to work. 

He woke up that morning feeling heavy in the pit. He knew what she was about to say. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want any of it. He just wanted the last two days to play in his head over and over again. She was sleeping beside him. Silently breathing the air he breathed. He looked at her, How he could get used to this. How wonderful would it be to wake up next to this woman he so dearly loved. 

She fluttered her eyes open. 

“Hey”, She whispered.

“Hey”, He replied. “I have to go to work”

“Hmm, okay”, She closed her eyes.

He got up from the bed, and went to the bathroom. When he came back, she was sitting cross legged on the bed. They both looked at each other. Gazes locked. 

She got up from the bed and wrapped her arms around his, and kissed him gently on his lips. He dreaded this moment.

“Do you want me to stay, I will..you just have to say the words”, She whispered in his ears.

He kissed her back, intently, deeply. and whispered back,”No”.

He pulled from the driveway, and began driving towards his house. Leaving behind in his rear-view mirror a grief stricken, broken image of a woman, who, any minute now, would burst into tears. 

Knock Knock…who is it?!

Aside

Maya was confused. She didn’t know whether to pack more of winter clothes or more of beach wear. it would’ve been better to pick a Europe trip instead, she was wondering. At least then she would’ve been sure of the weather. Thailand and Malaysia, she knew it was a lot of beaches, but if or not she needed warm clothing, She wasn’t sure.

Thinking of this trip and how it had materialized, Maya still couldn’t believe it. Only a couple months back, when her parents had decided that she had come of age to get married, Maya urged her parents to allow her one trip abroad before she got married. Having been an obedient daughter, all her life, She thought She at least deserved that much. And She was right. Her parents allowed her a trip to Malaysia and Thailand, a cheap package for 15 days, which normally, all well-to-do middle class families could afford.

Maya set off. Her parents bid her goodbye with plenty doses of good-to-use advice and home made achaar(Indian pickle). Least did they know, what Maya had in mind. But they were simple minded people and didn’t mind their daughter doing what she wanted for a bit, as long as, she didn’t invite trouble. She never disappointed them, nor, she would.

Four hours of flying to Bangkok, Maya was far from tired, on the contrary, she looked quite fresh. Her room was close to the airport and comfortably furnished. She dumped her luggage in the room, took a quick shower and left to see the place.

Maya had never been on a trip alone even in India, let alone outside. This was a new, rather, a very brave venture for her. She was excited, adrenaline was flowing in copious amounts in her body. She walked through the streets with curious eyes and an apprehensive smile. She went through the flea markets, saw some really disturbing stuff, evaded the parasitic tourist guides who wanted her to see another world. She dodged all the Quirky one liners about her dress and all the alluring escapades offered.

Aimlessly walking through the backyard of Bangkok, she finally found a place where she wanted to sit down and have something to eat. She ordered something she couldn’t pronounce and eventually, the dish came, she realized it was soup, only fancier. In the middle of her eating the soup, her adrenaline levels came back down, the endorphin glands snoozed off and She realized how lonely and homesick she felt already. But She didn’t want to succumb to the pressure and denied herself the liberty to be engulfed in the misery. She looked around, gazing at the beautiful people around her, looking so happy, so content with life. She had to suck in this spirit in the thin air and throw out all her fears.

the soup didn’t taste so bad now, and She also managed to find herself a decent dessert. By the time, She was done, Maya realized, it was dark. She got up unsteadily and walked up to the attendant.

“Where can I find a good place to have a drink?”, She asked, not believing the words coming out of her mouth. She had never even looked in the direction of drinks before. She didn’t quite understand the source of this new impish courage she had imbibed. But, She didn’t question herself a lot fearing the loss of it, if she thought about it much.

So, instead, She walked in the pointed direction. She walked in trans, unsure and insecure about her decisions, but still at the same time, excited to the core. This could be the end of life as she knew it, or not. How did She have the cojones to take this gamble? She didn’t want to know anyway.

It all started a month back, when her best friend Natalia got married and went to Thailand for her honeymoon, she came back with pamphlets and brochures of hotels, massage parlors, happy ending massage parlors…and suddenly Maya wanted to know. She still couldn’t believe she had pulled it off.

She reached the nearest pub, took a quiet corner and sat there for a half hour before ordering a chardonnay. She then took out her phone and called the number.

The rest of the evening went in a purple haze. It was an aroma she had never taken in before, a sight she had never witnessed, a feeling that was beyond her comprehension and a power she had never tasted before.

When She got up next morning,She had a slight headache, chardonnay, she thought and made a mental note of not having it again,at least, not so much. She looked around to find her clothes, most of them were under the guy who was fast asleep next to her. She decided not to bother him. Walking with slight uneasiness and a lot of weariness, she made her way to the bathroom. Turned on the shower and let the water pamper her burning skin. She tried to feel remorse over last night. She didn’t feel it. She tried to feel shame, hatred, disgust but none of the aforementioned emotions surfaced. Was it because She had convinced herself for weeks of this behavior or she was always devious and she had just accepted it. Whatever be the reason, we shall never know. What we know is that she emerged out of the bathroom with a wicked smile and a starved stomach.

Edward, she remembered was his name, was already up and getting dressed.

“Order some breakfast, shall we?”, She asked. “yes, m hungry, eggs?”, Edward replied.

“sure, yea, go ahead, order whatever you want”, She replied and turned over the crispy newspaper to read the headlines.

“What do you want to do for the rest of the day? or rather 15 days, because you have hired me for it…”,  Edward asked between mouthfuls of cream eggs.

“I want you to show me this city and give me 15 most memorable days of my life.”,Maya replied.

“wow, are you like dying or something?”, Edward was curious.

“Maybe, I am. who knows?!”, Maya said and broke into a roar of laughter.

15 days, Thailand (she never made it Malaysia), sunsets and sunrises, no reasons, no concerns, no right, no wrong, no cause, no effect.

Maya returned to the Indira Gandhi International airport, exactly how she had gone! Nothing changed in her, except everything did. She spoke the same way, soft and submissive. She dressed the same, much to the delight of her parents. She didn’t question anything, they fixed a date for her wedding and she blushed and shied like a normal Indian bride would. She got married eventually, and when her husband suggested ‘Bangkok’, She denied politely.

No Place Home

I see people moving like borgs,

looking for something, with a keen note…

like lost of sorts,

to this search their souls, they devote…

I wonder what they are looking for,

I wonder why don’t they find it,

even with a blissful spore…

 

 

Plenty I read about going home,

Plenty I read about missing the sand,

the dusk, the dawn, the sheep, the fawn…

the shining sun, the rain, the fun.

 

I wonder when they say they miss it,

what do they fathom…

For I don’t miss going home,

I miss having one…

I can’t remember no longer,

what it looked like,

I can’t remember the brook, the moon,

the sun, the breeze, the tirade, the swoon…

 

Plenty I read about going home,

Plenty I read about missing the sand,

the dusk, the dawn, the sheep, the fawn…

the shining sun, the rain, the fun.

 

Will you judge me, if I said I didn’t care,

I don’t want to remember it,

I don’t want to spare,

a single thought of what it was like,

When I was home…

I am looking and I wan’t to look,

and find my nest of the blossoming bloom

Proud or not, I can definitely say,

There is no place home…