The e=mc2 story

So everybody knows how Einstein waited for 10 years to prove his energy mass theory. I am not going to go in and tell everyone how they should stick to their guts for as long as they are not proven wrong face first. I will also not talk about education, its importance non importance, or the importance of a curious mind. I am going to talk about the fact that  the whole theory  was a hunch. He waited ten years on a hunch because the numbers were matching. It could as easily be wrong. He guessed! HE GUESSED! It was a good guess,no doubt but a guess nevertheless. I wonder if he lay at nights, sleepless having nightmares about it all being wrong and the world laughing in his face. I wonder if he would’ve shot himself if he had to face that embarrassment. I would’ve. What I don’t understand is the faith, the absolute faith which just let him hold on. One could call it arrogance too, he was too proud to think he was wrong. Either ways, he was right and he got a place in history and eventually in our science books.

The stakes of the experiment were too high, one would say, Or, were they? Let’s step back, relax and think about this. Had Einstein failed, the world would still have an unanswered question, which means the purpose of Einstein’s life was still unfulfilled(or so to speak). He would have gone back and tried idea #2. I mean think about it, nobody spends ten years in hope of a successful experiment without a plan B, or C even D. In fact, I think he had this unbelievable , infallible faith in his theory because he took ten years to disprove his own work, coming up with reasons why something didn’t fit. Why Plan B was not as good as e=mc2. He was just waiting to see if it fails, what parameter did he leave behind. I feel Einstein could  probably have been a little disappointed when the experiment didn’t fail and he had nothing to figure.

You must be wondering why I am bringing this up, where is the epiphanic thought intended for this post. Well, I have been going through an existential crisis. Everything is good, in fact according to some, I have nothing more I can ask for. However, I feel unfulfilled. I feel I am not using myself for the potential I am meant. Where is my e=mc2. If I ever make a guess will I have the power to stand by it without feeling pressurized to change my opinion because well its just a guess. When I heard Einstein’s story. Twas not about how he was dedicated, it was about how he could take a guess with the same conviction as though he had proven it already. It doesn’t show me genius but courage to be able to guess and then accept the fact that it can be wrong…but what if, it’s not. This ‘what if’ has changed lives! so take a chance, make a guess! Find your e=mc2, and be the next well…you!

The problem is we take a chance and we want it to work almost immediately and when it does not, we start losing faith. We start imagining our doom and take the next chance before we give it a chance to materialize. Confused? I am too. Einstein waited ten years for a chance, a guess to work out. Let’s take my example. I made a decision almost a year and a half ago; to leave the comfortable life I led in a multi national as a mediocre employee and register myself as a student for my masters. Now, just after a year, I feel I am not doing anything much different than what I was back home. In fact, I think I have gone back two years now. I felt mad at myself, angry at the decision of wasted time and more importantly money. Then I came across this story, and I thought wow, what if Einstein took another chance and told everyone not to waste time on it. It was probably wrong. He would be so mad at himself later, when it was proved right. It’s simple. Explore every opportunity, and keep your eyes open for more. Nothing is a mistake. Everything teaches you something, so its vital we do that. I am going to tell you exactly what I decided for myself. Give it time to work out, disprove your theories and remind yourself why did you make that guess in the first place.

Everything you do is an important chapter in the story of life… Don’t be afraid to ask questions, or be curious! If you do…don’t be afraid to try to answer it and then stand by your answer until proven otherwise. The world owes you that!

Advertisements

I don’t say…

I see how hurt you are,

I see your pain, yet standing there…

In relentless love and slight rain,

I wish I could take it all away.

I don’t say…

I notice you, looking all broken,

shattered and hopeless,

I want to pick up the pieces,

and glue them back.

Irrespective, of how I would cut myself,

I watch you withering away.

I don’t say.

I think and never tell,

I love but never show…

I believe but not quite,

I try but never help…

I look but never see,

I hear but never listen…

I miss you so often, it hurts.

I don’t say.

You make excuses, for the way,

I never am there when you need me.

Maybe, she is busy, she is away.

Maybe she still loves me,

oh darling, I do…

But there are no more excuses,

for I never come to you.

I see you dying, a little at a time.

I don’t say.

I hope someday, when the wind slows down,

and becomes more like a breeze,

when flowers’ fragrance is stronger than the day,

the earth feels a little more soft,

and your smile takes the gloom away.

I will still be standing, watching you,

loving you, breathing you in.

Yet, I won’t say…

Something About Her, Chapter 5

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,
Its ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

—Rabindranath Tagore

Smitha woke up in a bathtub filled with water, spewing in her own fragrance. She had a splitting headache and had never felt such tiring force, keeping her still. She slowly opened her eyes, and tried to remember where she really was. The surrounding did not look familiar to her, the porcelain WC and the hancrafted mirror. Inspite of the fact that she couldn’t remember this place, she felt a weird familiarity in the taste with which the drapes and linen were chosen.

She got up unsteadily, and spotted the towel she could wrap around herself. IT was difficult for her to walk, she was uncomfortable and yet she didn’t feel surprised. Slowly, she remembered everything. The travel back to her own time, the loud thud, her entire trip. She walked out the door and found a bathrobe in a corner of the bed. She wrapped it gingerly around herself and walked outside the bedroom.

It was strange how she had never seen this place before, yet, knew exactly where the kitchen was. She walked towards the kitchen to find herself a glass of water but found something else, rather someone else. As she stood in the kitchen doorway,her joy knew no bounds. How was it possible? Had she done something in the past to change her life so much! Was it possible? Her questions quickly melted away when Vinod turned around and scooped her up in his arms.

‘You took forever…’,did he know! ‘I thought, you were never coming out of the bathtub.’He planted a long wet kiss on her mouth. Suddenly it made sense to her, he knew what was coming in future so he never started his life with supriya. She didn’t remember much,but she didn’t need to. Maybe it was not so bad altering the past. He kissed her all over while she was lost in all the thought.

He whispered in her ear,’I know you know, and now, I know too. I  ordered pink paint for the nursery. See, I was right all along.’

She smiled, which slowly widened, as it dawned up on her.

The End

 

Something About Her, Chapter-4

To love someone that cannot love you back
To be loved like no other when you are ready to collapse
Pouring into another the utmost devotion and grace
Waiting so patiently for their effervescent waters to flow so you can taste

Life restored to the veins of memories past
Broken hearts mended from the love you gave but were not asked
An aura of love surrounds me and gives me comfort within its perfection
What a fine day that we met just out of chance of which I will question

No need for complements or airs of pretension
You give the highest level of love from a friendly reaction
To say I do not love you would be treason
My utmost, who fearlessly loves me without reason

—Rebecca Maiese

Vinod entered the room with sweat breaking inhibition. He was very aware of what he might do. This feeling had never left him, he felt a certain tug, no, a known pull. He couldn’t bring himself to knock the door. Finally, he did, and when he did, she opened the door for him and it all went back to normal. She was not dressed proactively or in any way exposing parts she shouldn’t. Very simply dressed in Pjamas and a sweat shirt, it seemed she covered up all the more for the occassion. The room looked normal, and no eerie feeling caught him. He sat down, she had old Monk on the table. Of course, by now, he was used to her knowing things about him.

One peg loosened him up enough to strike up the courage to ask Smitha questions other than the whole bizarre affair of time travel.

‘So, tell me something, why would someone like you, love, someone like me?’,He asked.

‘I don’t have any reason why I love you. I mean there are a million reasons why I like you, but I can’t tell you one reason why I love you. err. The future you.’

‘hmmm’, he accepted the response, even if he didn’t quite understand it. He got up to get another peg. She pulled a Classic Milds.

‘I didn’t know you smoked’,he was curious.

‘I smoke yeah, but in future, wanted to keep the habit at bay for as long as I could.’,Smitha was slightly reddened with embarrassment.

‘I couldn’t have told you everything! It’s impossible that I tell anyone everything. I don’t tell anyone everything!’,Vinod could hear himself talk and chuckled at the thought.

‘Okay, go on ask me whatever you think is your deepest darkest secret.’,Smitha accepted the challenge.

‘Fine…’Vinod said, amused,’ have I ever told you of having done something extra ordinary in college, like…’

‘Dating two girls at the same time as part of a dare’, Smitha interrupted.

Vinod was shocked, no one and absolutely no one knew about it except his college friends.

‘My first book, that I ever read. The one that pulled me in the world of books!’,Vinod bombarded another one.

‘The Lord of Flies by William Golding’, Smitha was enjoying this game.  Vinod was stunned, only his 4th grade English teacher knew about that.

‘If I had to pick between Seth’s An Equal Music and A suitable boy, which would I pick?’

‘you prefer An Equal Music, but I could never read it, and you took offense at that. I love A suitable boy. I think they are both equally good. An Equal Music is a little more technical wrt love and music. But they are both pretty great.’ Smitha was lost in the memory of Seth’s books.

When Smitha returned to reality from her thoughts, she looked at Vinod who was just looking at her.

‘I can’t believe you, honestly! What is it that is so terrible that you have to travel back in time to fix.’,Vinod had a very gentle concern in his eyes.

Smitha closed her eyes, she saw it everyday in her head, like there was only one channel stuck in her head and only one show kept repeating itself. The night when Smitha dropped Vinod home later in the future, and Supriya was standing there holding their son at gun point. The quarrels, apologies, shots! She killed the ten year old boy in cold blood, shot Vinod in the head twice and finally killed herself. The memory was so intense for Smitha, she couldn’t help control her tears and Vinod had to shake her back to the present time and hold her, for she was shivering.

She broke down in Vinod’s arms. The tears that were never shed before, when she saw them take his body, the tears that were never shed during the sleepless nights for the next few years. the tears that were never shed once, because who was she to cry. For the world, Smitha never existed for Vinod. It was just him, she just existed for him, to him.

Vinod overpowered by the sense of something very powerful, kissed Smitha on the forehead. He thought it would help her, but it helped him instead. He kissed her again to feel something. Like he had been waiting for her, his entire existence and it finally came through. He crushed her in his arms and recreated her. It was a long night and they both, in a state of trance, just kept completing each other’s rhythm.

The sun broke into the room and woke Vinod up. Smitha was all dressed and ready to leave. She sat down beside him, softly grazed her hand on his cheeks and spoke with such gentleness, ‘Remember what I told you, it is imperative that you do what I told you. you will know who I am, when you realize it, just go away.’

She said it, and left the room. What she didn’t notice was the look on his face, for if she had seen Vinod’s face. She would know, that it was already too late. He was already madly in love with her.

 

Something About her, Chapter 3

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

—William Ernest Henley

 

‘Oh, that’s it?! Believe you me I don’t want to know you!’,Vinod was talking, but somewhere he knew he didn’t mean it.

‘That hurt! But I guess I have earned it. Listen, it might sound easy right now, but there will come a time when you won’t be able to…well…resist me.’She said in a slight smug way.

‘Is that it? Is that all?’, Vinod asked, calmer now.

‘Yes…I guess my work here is done.’,smitha knew what was coming next.

There was an awkward silence. Nobody knew what to do or what to say. Smitha was the one to break the silence.

‘So,  I am going to go back in my time now. See if what I did, made any difference.’,Smitha picked up her bag.

‘Wait, listen, I know I have been very rude to you. Not welcoming at all. I am curious what is it that happens in the future that you are trying to avoid.’Vinod asked.

‘I can’t tell you that’, She smiled. ‘But we can spend time just talking maybe’.

For some reason Vinod wanted to stay and figure out this beautiful, mysterious woman who was looking at him like she knew him. The fact that she knew everything about him, and still looked at him with adoration, baffled him. He thought nobody who actually knew him could like him, let alone love him. Here she was, beautiful, intelligent, witty and clearly, in love with him. The way she looked at him, with fierce protection and belonging. Like it was something so obvious, like it was the rule that she loved him, and anyone he knew who didn’t was so foolish. Supriya could never see Vinod like that, with utter confidence, unconditional love, especially after Josephine.

Smitha clicked her fingers to snap Vinod back to reality. ‘You can ask anything apart from what I am about to avoid’.

‘Okay then, how is the future, you know, for me?’,Vinod asked.

‘It’s pretty amazing. You and Supriya have a boy, you guys are really happy. You land nice jobs in the future, and become the supervisor Technical Head in Infocomm. It’s all rosy. Except for one problem.’

‘What?’

‘Me…’,Smitha laughed but it was a hollow laughter.’Can I make a request? I have a hotel room booked in my name, Can we have a few drinks together before I leave? Inside the room, nobody would recognize you, can you do that?’

Every bone in Vinod’s body wanted to say yes…but he knew what that might cost him. He had promised himself, never again. yet, something was just not right about denying the offer. He thought maybe a few hours, what difference can it make.

He decided to go with her. He could, afterall, handle a few drinks.

Something About Her, Chapter 2

In fact, to be frank and fair,
It can be a little bit scary.
It’s getting worse,
The fear; it’s getting worse,
Year on year.
Time was, when I was young,
Wide eyed
And impressed, the fear
Didn’t frighten me
Much at all.

—David Windle

 

It took 16 hours, 4 days and numerous attempts for Vinod to convince himself of the reality. She hadn’t yet told him of their love affair. His cheating and for whatever it is worth, he hadn’t asked her. There were so many thoughts and so many unanswered questions. He was honestly just scared to ask them, give words to those thoughts. Like a beautiful aroma wafting from the dark deep woods which he couldn’t or rather didn’t want to decipher.

‘I can see you are taking it too well…I don’t know if its the age or you are not able to process the information.’ She said, trying very hard to resist the urge to smoke.

He sat down next to her, folded hands, eyes looking directly at her. It always made her nervous. ‘So, you are saying, you travelled back in time to a point seven years ago, and have waited since then till date to come see me?’

‘More or less… well, I thought if I were to do this, might set a few things straight in life, and work hard enough to get into IIT Madras this time.’ She smirked.

He didn’t look amused. It couldn’t be a joke, he couldn’t discuss it with supriya, he couldn’t tell her that he had been secretly meeting a girl who claimed to have come from the future. The knowledge she had about his life was so uncanny. She knew where he was born, his school friends, all his school shenanighans, college friends…even Josephine. Not one person knew about everything she had said. She would have to literally meet all his friends who ever existed to gather all that information. Unless, of course he was the one who told her.

‘Let’s assume for a minute, you are right. Why are you here? Why do you want to meet me?’ Vinod asked, exasparrated.

‘I am here to ask you for a favor. Something that might not make sense at all.’She replied.

‘Don’t be cryptic! I have had enough of your puzzles and word games’. Vinod blasted.

‘Fine. I’ll be straight with you. 10 years from now, when you meet me, and you will know it, trust me. When you meet me,’it seemed she was choking on her own words, because she couldn’t come up with any. She continued, ‘When you meet me, don’t talk to me. Ignore my mails, whatever urge you have, whatever binding force you feel. Whatever you feel.’

Something about her, Chapter 1

She quietly stood after the event. Mostly, at this time, she would just smoke, but that wasn’t how it was right now. She had not yet picked up smoking and she couldn’t alter anything on her journey, she knew that. ‘Changing the past, would be apocalyptic’ . If only, they could take away that peace and quiet that dawned upon her, when she drew the smoke from her lips.

She snapped back to reality when he walked out of the chamber. She could’ve recognized him in a million people, smart intelligent eyes, perfect jawline, creaseless forehead which contained that thick head of his, she laughed to herself at the memory of just how many times she had called him that when she was pissed. Most of all, however, she remembered that smile, that beautiful smile which had such an effect, she couldn’t look directly at it. It quite literally lit everything around it. He stopped momentarily to look at her, maybe sensing something. She got all the more nervous, had he recognized her, no but it was impossible, there was still time, atleast another 10 years before he met her.

She shrugged off the feeling, and went up to him. He was surrounded by people congratulating him, asking him how he remembered everything, how he read so much, how many quizzes were useless for them cuz he would win them anyway. She stood behind him, breathing him in, she just wanted to touch his broad shoulder and hug him, but she didn’t.

‘Hi, Mr. vinod, quite a performance.’, he turned around, she could see the unsettled feeling in his eyes. The feeling which was just about right, because he had somewhere in his head recognized her, just didn’t know it. He felt everything he would later feel for her, but didn’t know why.

‘why, thank you, ma’am’, he replied. Ughh, she hated it when he called her that. Today, however, he didn’t know.

There was an umcomforatble lull, This part of the country was not used to women walking up to them and making conversation. She eased them off, but not for long because her next statement was just out of the world. ‘Can I ask you to join me for coffee, there is something I really need to talk to you about’.

Vinod was perplexed. His buddies were sharing secret smiles and nods and he was very aware of them. He was so weak in the knees but he couldn’t do anything. He was sorted of like charmed, and wanted to know more about this enchantress. ‘I am sorry, maam, but I need to go home to my wife’. He said specially emphasizing the last word, so as to make a point.

‘oh well, I would hardly take 15 minutes’, She said thinking of all those times, he had called her stubborn and persistent.

Vinod was now just irritated at the reaction his friends were giving him, he would be asked about this for months, teased but then again, when has a beautiful girl of 25 walked upto any of his friends and asked them to coffee. So he agreed and they went to a nearby coffee shop. Something where they could smoke, because she knew he would light one with his coffee.

‘Have you heard of rasputin?’, She asked him sipping the extremely sweet filter coffee.

‘Yes, I have.’ He was being shy.

‘I know you must be wondering why have I come to meet you, or more importantly, who I am.’

‘You are sharp’, wow so he was sarcastic too back then.

‘you are not going to belive what I am going to tell you’

‘look lady…’, ‘Smita, Smita is my name’

‘look Smita, I need to get back home, so can we please just hurry this along, who are you and what do you want from me.’

‘very well then’, she started. ‘I have come from the future, I meet you exactly 10 years from today through a quiz in Infocomm.’

He looked at her in disbelief, and what she thought as a mix of laughter and rage.

‘It’s tough to digest I know but you have to believe me, its imperative that you…’

He cut her off with a wave of her hand, she still got irritated with the same tone of ignorance, why wouldn’t he just listen!

‘look lady! I don’t care about your hokum pokum, you are wrong. I don’t work in Infocomm, I work with Cogtrade! I don’t intend on going back to Infocomm!

‘you will, next year,when supriya would take a sabatical and…’he cut her off again.

‘you know supriya? you know my wife!? Is this her prank! I can’t belive it…but she never does anything like that!’

‘Yes, I know her, and your son…’ she calculated,’ who hasn’t been born yet! sorry, I didn’t know if you wanted it to be a surprise.’

He got up towards the smoke shop. ‘I have your cigarette right here, kings right?’ He sat back down, slowly. There was something about this girl, the conviction she had in her voice, either this was a bad bad joke or maybe, just maybe, she was really from the future.

 

Moh-Maya

“What the hell is going on between my husband and that bitch?” Maya’s patience was at its lowest ebb and she was ready to burst.
Sanjay knew that she was serious. “Look, Maya. There is nothing going on between the two of them. Just a little bit of healthy flirting, I’d say.”
“Flirting? Healthy flirting? Really Sanjay . . .” she rolled her eyes in disgust. “That’s what you men call it? There is nothing healthy about flirting, Sanjay, not for a married man.
Healthy flirting is a term introduced by perverted men who want to lend legitimacy to their extramarital dalliances. Flirting invariably has a sexual connotation to it.”  She got up from her seat and walked around the room gesticulating and muttering something to herself. Suddenly she stopped, turned back, looked at Sanjay and asked, “Did my husband sleep with her? You are his friend. Did he ever tell you anything about it?”

Sanjay Knew with every passing hour, his composure was at the helm of breaking… this was the fifth time he had come over to Mohit and Maya’s place at this hour, with no sign of Mohit around. More importantly, this was the third time he had rescheduled a date, rather, the date. She was so not going to pick his calls again. Come to think of it, Rita was slightly desperate. Having been rescheduled for a simple drinks date thrice already, if she was still ready to forgive him and come over to his place on Sat, she would be his bitch!

“There you go again! You cannot get out of this by day dreaming!” She snapped her fingers and with that his very lucid Rita dreams. “Tell me Sanjay… I know he is your friend but I am your friend too”

Maya was crying now, not in a quiet sob-by kind of way, or even in the more conventional teary kind of way, she was screaming and tears were rolling down her mascara laden eyes, making her look like a very real threat. Sanjay decided to call his friend while his wife threw stuff on the ground, he should probably lock up all the liquor.

Dial Mohit Office. Ringing. No answer. He probably left office for the place early. Should he tell her? No, it would too embarrassing. Only Mohit should tell her. Damn, he could still not help chuckling at the memory of the first time Mohit mentioned it. You always hear of such things, and see them on the TV but, for it to happen to somebody you know so closely.

He watched the mad woman throw expensive vases and get on and on about how she left everyone to be with Mohit and this was what he gave to her in return. That extremely well maintained body, the neckline of her dress flaunting her cleavage. The diamonds clinging to her neck, she was indeed beautiful. He tried to reach Mohit and couple of times but failed. He finally decided it was time to leave, and went to her. By now, Maya had exhausted herself and was just lying on the sofa, smoking a cigarette.

“Hey, I should be going, it’s really late and I shouldn’t be here. I will talk to Mohit alright? Now, don’t drink too much and just try and get some rest.” Sanjay started walking towards the door, somehow his steps were heavier today and it took what felt like forever to reach the door knob.

“Sanjay wait!” Maya’s voice was barely audible. “Can you please stay here tonight, at least till Mohit gets back, I don’t want to be alone.”

Sanjay smiled, this was the moment he had been waiting for all evening. He turned around and looked at her, what a mess she was. “Okay then, let me inform my cook that I won’t be coming back tonight.” He smiled at her. He stepped outside on the porch and lit a cigarette, there was no cook. He bemused himself at how little Maya really knew about him. He took a puff and called Mohit Cell and disconnected after the third ring. This had been agreed upon.

Mohit called back.

“Is everything like we planned”, “yes Mohit, things are exactly how we planned it”.

”are you still at the Reiki place”? “Just got over, needed a few extra lessons for today”

“When do I see you then?” “How long do you think it will take?”

“I don’t know, by what you told me about her, might take a while!” Sanjay chuckled and disconnected.

He went back inside the house. As expected, Maya had dimmed all the lights keeping only a few of them on, so as to make it look romantic. He looked at her again, and didn’t see the beautiful daughter of the richest motherfucker in town, but a wounded lioness, ready to hunt again, he knew why she was doing this. She wanted to get back at Mohit. She could stoop to any level just to make him realize his mistakes. What a cold heartless evil bitch!

“you deserve it”, he muttered. “Why, that looks very romantic”, he said out loud. Maya smiled her best smile and offered him some wine.

“I thought, if he is out with that bitch, why should I be moping around the house. I have good wine and a good company, let me just take advantage of that.”

“I could use a wine”, Sanjay said and took the glass from her. All the signs were right there. She looked at him different, lingered her fingers a little longer on the glass than required. She was laughing and filling his glass up, he was flirting, the healthy kinds. She was responding and before long she was pressing her chest against her arm. After that what happened is a little hazy in Sanjay’s memory. She kissed him and they went upstairs, he undressed her…

 

Part –II

A few months before the night of Maya’s explosion, Sanjay and Mohit had met at a bar nearby, a place not too far but far enough so they didn’t bump into anybody they knew. Mohit was sweating profusely.

“Wow, you have a had a rough day, it seems”, Sanjay looked at him.

“You have no idea” ,Mohit replied.

“No, I mean literally. You have marks all over your neck… obviously the good kinds ”, Sanjay winked.

“Dude, it’s not even funny anymore. She is crazy! She wants me to fuck her all the time. She wakes me up with a blow job and asks me to fuck her twice before I go to work. She comes to my office at lunch, asks me to do her in the car! IN THE CAR man! It was good fun in the beginning, I liked the excitement but now, I am just tired mostly. I hate it, I want to sleep! And if I am not doing her, I should be dirty talking to her. There is no room to say no! That crazy woman, would give an everyday slut such competition! She always wants to know how good she is in bed! And now, it’s gotten out of hand. Vijay sent me some kinky video about strapping and tying up and shit. You know Vijay! She saw it, and from then on, it’s only been that! She wants me to tie her up and do anal! She hits me, she likes to hit me blue black and fucking bite me everywhere! It’s not fun anymore. She is sick! Sick fucker  ”

“So, tell her you are into this weird shit! ”, Sanjay tried very hard not to burst out laughing.

“It’s not just that”, Mohit continued, “She loves to treat me like her dog! You should see her man… she kicks me around and in the politest of ways! She makes me run around like her spot boy whenever her friends come over! Belittles me, god! I hate every waking moment with her”

“Leave her” Sanjay got serious now.

“She is rich god damned, I like the money I get to splurge.” Mohit said matter of factly. “I am screwed.”

They met a few more times before they found the perfect way to eliminate Mohit’s problem. He stopped going home at night, just went to change and bathe. Spoke to Maya, only when absolutely required. Left little proofs that he might be cheating. But he wasn’t. He was taking Reiki classes, the magic healing. Touching and pressing the right nerves. People took years to hone this skill to perfection. Mohit needed only a few months, for he had to perfect only one skill. After the class, he went to the same bar every day, ordered the same drink and the same side, , always the same spot, facing away and no one was to disturb him. He left anonymously and always left a hefty tip. This went on for about three months before the final phase of the plan took place.

Mohit was waiting outside the house at the designated time. Sanjay had met him at the bar only a few minutes ago, he went in from the backdoor and found her exactly how he wanted to see her for so long. Ties up, spread eagled naked, slap marks and whip marks. She made him buy all those things. Sanjay had done her good. He smiled, she opened her one good eye half shut, and screamed, “oh baby! That Sanjay did this to me. I just wanted to spend some time with him. Oh god! Look at me, he defiled me!”

“Shush”, Mohit said politely. “Maya, you know, I really want to kiss you today…”  and he did, he kissed her and untied her, quite some blood had been lost, he took her to the bathroom, cleaned her up. She couldn’t understand, why was he not calling the police, why was he not taking her to the hospital. He wiped her dry. Then, he wiped the floor and then he filled the tub. He asked her to get in. “This will soothe you my dear”. She was obedient like a child. Priceless feeling. He asked her, “How did it feel” ?

“How did what feel?”, she was shocked.

“The whole episode…did you enjoy it? Oh come on, I know what happened.”

Now was the time of the grand finale. She started crying softly. “Oh Mohit, I am sorry. I didn’t know this would happen! I was mad at you and then, I wasn’t thinking.” But Mohit was not listening. He was looking at her neckline and the diamonds that were still there, Sanjay had asked for them, as a souvenir. So he touched her diamonds. He moved two fingers around her necklace, her neck, her beautiful neck where the one nerve resided which was connected directly to her heart.

Part III

Neighbors had put up a “Welcome Back” sign at the door. Mohit was in police custody for 30 days. Maya’s dad had accused him of killing his daughter, but there was no court case. They had settled out of court, since the Bartender vouched for Mohit’s presence every single night in the bar till about midnight, and the murder happened around 10 30 in the night. The neighbors said, they always heard screaming noises  and saw weird things if by mistake either of their drapes were left open. She was spoilt and nobody really liked her. It was only a matter of what will become of you reputation, if they get to know that your daughter was into this kind of nymphomaniac stuff and that she had betrayed her husband. There was no need of a court case. But if there was one, Sanjay had skillfully taken Mohit’s place at the bar, always the same spot, facing away and no one was to disturb him. He left anonymously and always left a hefty tip, Sanjay was more generous because it was not even his money.

 

A Walk down the memory lane

We often want to bask in the glory of that day when we sit back, and relax, think of the old days and curse the future…the time slice slipping off our hands and never getting what we truly want. Complaining of the present and wishing the past…okay, slightly too poetic for a Tuesday afternoon…?

Well, after the Monday I had, it had to be so! Went to my old school, and when I say old… I mean ages! yes, the classrooms where we laughed and gossiped together. The school canteen, the heart throb music teacher 😛 Everything came flooding back to me. Sat with my principal who was so touched that I came back to see her, but I was the one honored truly…

While she kept talking of the new developments at school, my attention was completely hogged by the two girls sitting outside… (concentration in the class was always my problem :P) I couldn’t understand anything they were talking about, but, I could never miss the hope of dreams in their eyes. Reminding me of those days when I used to dream like that. And what happiness it gives you to feel the presence of those dreams around you, the dreams which you never thought possible.

Going back to school made me feel so special and lovely. Happiness multiplied four times. Thank you everyone who got me here…

Finally

unedited…not thought about…has been pending for three years now.

Dear TK,
Sorry dearestestestest TK,
I tried writing this a lot of times, but I couldn’t. I don’t know. I think it was the way things ended, there was so much I wanted to tell you so much I had to say to you, but I never got the chance. I am sure if u ever got a chance you would laugh at me, for being hung up on you so long. U would call me dramatic or whatever. I don’t give a damn. I don’t care what u gave me or took away from me I don’t care what I did to make u think I was exactly what u thought me to be. I never thought I needed you so much but since u left, I have only been true to you.
I know that sounds ironic, because I cheated. I cheated on you with emotions with whatever I had in me to make it right. I know I was weak and you deserve better, and , I am not saying you are not entirely at fault, or you are. It doesn’t matter. Anymore. What matters is that I always loved you, still do. And I will always remember you with the kindest of emotions. I forgive you, I forgive myself. I think of you a lot, not in an obsessive way but there are times when I think you would laugh at me right now, or, right now you would be so proud. I think of you a lot. Never with frustration, or anger or any ill feeling. I hope you have a satisfying life, and not just monetarily but even otherwise. I know u would. I know u would make the maximum of life because you my dear are perfect. Your memories still make me laugh. My heart fills up when I think of our last conversation, but its all good. It’s good u don’t have to see me right now, like this. U would not recognize me.

But I know one thing, I have seen love and with you, I have seen a life, and rest assured for whatever it is worth, I will try to live that life as close to your perfection as I can. I will always make you proud. That said, I want to let you go now…I want to press ctrl+F and not find you.
Love you baby
Goodbye